fear

A four lettered word, that confines most of us to our homes behind locked doors.
We say, "It's for our own good," but is it really?
Having friends who say I'm reckless, fearless, crazy,
and one day your going to get killed,
I say one day we will all die.
If I die by the hands of another,
that would be sad, but I don't think it'll happen that way.
My mother died, so did my father,
my brothers and all of my uncles and aunts...
and none of them were reckless, fearless or crazy.

My doorbell rang the other day, it was some kids selling some junk.
I told them I had no need for any of their junk but I'd be happy to let them into my house to escape the blistering heat and I'd happily give them a drink.
They were amazed.
This is not anything that should be noteworthy as an amazement,
but apparently I was the only person since they began selling their wares (2 months) that had even offered them a drink,
much less a retreat from the heat.
It was 100 degrees out!
This was not the first time I've let salesmen, women, or kids in my home to wait out a sudden thunderstorm, blistering heat, or freezing cold.
I believe 90% of all humanity is good.

I know there are scam artists, thief's, and criminals who would kill for their next high. I am street smart, I listen to my sixth sense, I watch the news, but watching it can make you scared of your own shadow.

Don't buy into the fear the news sells.

So many folks toot their horns saying how humanitarian they are,
but would they stop on the road to help someone who has broken down,
or offer a ride to the lady with four kids at the bus stop?

We need to pull together as a community helping out those we can.
Being a good neighbor, by picking up the garbage can when it blows over,
or just stoping in and seeing if they need anything at the store,
when your going there anyway.

This is loving each other as we are supposed to do.
It's not hard, and the rewards are wonderful!

Don't be afraid, after all what's the worst thing that would happen?
You will die? Guess what?
You will die anyway, how do you want to live is the question?

Peace and love,
Janice

Swim anyone?

Swimming,
the most enjoyable thing I do.
It's the way the water surrounds my body,
welcomes me and holds me in it's
buoyant realm.
No gravity,
no judgement,
just wet nourishment for my soul.
I slice through the water with an urgency to go no where.
I see the bubbles leave my mouth to float up into the air.
Giving the air back what I took from it.
The energy of the water relaxes as well as invigorates.
My breath controlled,
working in unison with my arms, legs and torso.
I swim as I breath...
with no thought of it,
just in my meditative state of bliss.
Happiness, pure joy... as pure as the wetness,
that surrounds me.
I am at peace,
no other place on earth do I feel so connected.
The pool is restrictive though,
feeling trapped,
wishing for open water,
where swimming with out turning around...
moving forward to some place...
would feel so right.
Knowing the whale can live in captivity,
crying for it's freedom to swim to the depths of the ocean,
I feel it's pain.
Senses alerted,
chlorine fills my nasal cavity,
and I am choked to a stop.
I am envisioning my soul and body being suffocated,
by the pollution in our water ways,
and I cry,
tears are not seen or felt,
I am alone in a pool...

May your Bliss find you,
Peace and Love,
Janice

Know accent

"Where are you from?" The clerk in the store looks at me with a quizzical face.
"Chicago? New York? I know it's the east coast!"
She is so excited, I hate to tell her.
"Pennsylvania,"
I say in a calm tone.
"Oh,"
She turns, and walks away in a disappointed shuffle.

I don't even get the follow up question as to where in Pennsylvania.

Yes, this is how it happens, not just once, but over and over again.

Folks are not so excited about our nations first capital state.
Perhaps they do not know or they do not care that Pennsylvania houses the Liberty Bell,
and the Declaration of Independence,
Twenty-five national parks and that
Edgar Allen Poe lived there.

I don't think it matters,
bottom line is,
PA is just not cool,
not NY cool.
My accent has New York melted into it.

It happened when I moved to Georgia in 1976.
Everyone I was working with was from NY, and the influence of speaking like them,
or continually having my accent brought to the center of attention was just that.
I started dropping the vowels and rounding my o's till I began sounding like
I'd come right outa the Bronx.
When I moved back to PA in 1977 my family thought I would have picked up a southern drawl
living in GA,
imagine their surprise when they heard the NY accent.

New York City is a two hour drive from where I grew up.

Most people who live that close to a huge metropolis are influenced by said city.

Not my family,
although they had relatives living there at one time,
we were not to even think we were close to such a place.

Like living in a suburb of hell,
and never acknowledging hell's existence.

Our community of flower bordered lawns,
and white picket fences
was not ever to be confused with the exhaust filled air
of the congested dirty city they called New York.

As a teenager I would ditch school and drive into the city,
just to say I did it.

I was mesmerized by the hustle and huge buildings,
and of course their accents.

Even as a kid I knew PA was not cool.

As a young adult I would go clubbing in the city,
it was a long night but I was young.

Time passed and my accent faded, or so I thought.

Moving to New Mexico I got a job on the phone as a customer service rep. I found I could guess where someone was from just by the way they asked a question.

The accents vary so much in this country it's no wonder folks think we are speaking different languages from state to state.

Now I would imitate the person on the phone.

Allowing myself to pick up what ever accent was handed to me.
This not only broke up the boredom of the job and it gave me an unusual talent it also built a camaraderie with the customer on the end of the line.

We all like to feel like we are speaking with someone down the block or in our neighborhood.

Knowing if the person was a jerk, I could be the New Yorker and give em a what fur!

We all know no one messes with a New Yorker,

folks back off,

because you can't mess with cool!

Now as I leave the disappointed clerk to her disappointed job,
I think I could have made her day and said I was from the Bronx....

nawwww that's just not cool.

Peace, love and coolness,
Janice

Mind blowing....

Name twenty things that make you happy.


Fairy wings, glitter and sequins, soft puppy fur, big fat snowflakes,
rose peddles, daisy centers, streams of incense smoke, shade trees,
cuddly blankets, blue glass, spice cabinets, house plants,
slicing through the water with my body, smiles, laughter,
clean sheets, long rides, comfortable shoes, and a back scratcher.

The exercise was simple.

I didn't over think it.

How many times are we feeling sad and can't think of one thing that gives us joy?

Taking inventory of our lives, feelings, and joy, helps to keep things in a nice little package I call perspective.

Having a list makes it easier to recall feelings of joy.

However we need to throw the list away.
Preset answers is never the remedy.


I purposely left out people from my twenty things.

If we count on others to make us happy we will continually be unhappy.

Imagine the pressure you put onto that person,
it's unfair to expect anyone to "make you feel joy."

Our joy must come from with in.

Try meditation for this.
Once you begin to meditate you can fill your mind then empty it all in the same thought.

Meditation is the key to bliss.

Over thinking a thought can make it all seem so large,
that it makes us feel small and unable to handle it, that is your perspective at this point.

Pulling that thought apart into tiny pieces till it no longer is in your head,
gives you power over it,
by giving your mind room to think in a new way,
allowing for a change in perspective.

If this makes you feel uncomfortable, good.

Being uncomfortable gives us a bit of fear,
which helps us to open our minds to other avenues of thought.

Doing the same thing in the same way,
day after day,
breeds angst, depression, and lethargy.

We need a good swift "kick in the pants" some times to get us out of our own way.

As children we are taught to do things in a "certain" way.
Becoming an adult means you now can choose how to do things.

This does not mean that the way you were taught as a child is wrong,
it is simply that there is more than one way to do things.

Holding onto the belief that we can only do as we were taught as a child,
causes stagnation and no room for growth.

My thought is to be more in control of our happiness,
we need to loose control and face the fearful places in our mind,
let go of our preset answers,
find a new way home,
change our perspective,
it might blow your mind.

Peace and love,
Janice

How to cultivate a lasting friendship.

Friends come into our lives at different times.

Some come early, as children.
We look back fondly on our memories,
and the care free days of youth.

These friendships are usually short lived,
we move or just grow apart.

Sometimes you have one friend,
if you are lucky,
this person will be with you for most of your life.

I am lucky to have friends like this.

I consider myself one of the rare people of the world.

I cherish my friendships.

I believe with out these women, my life would be flat, dull, and unremarkable.
When I am feeling sad, or down in the dumps, I can count on my friends to cheer me up.

When I am happy I want to share my joy they are the first ones I think of to call.

They know this goes both ways that's why we are friends.
All relationships are give and take.

You can't give so much, there is nothing left to take,
and you can't take so much, there is nothing left to give.

I believe we should surround ourselves with those who will bring us up in this world.

Being aware of the vampires...
you know these folks,
they disguise themselves as a good friend,
wanting to monopolize all of your time,
talking only about themselves,
they suck all of your joy and light,
they feed off of your exuberance of life,
because they want to be quickened by you.

They want to feel alive and happy and have no idea how to get there,

because they are too selfish to give and love.

When I was about three,
I met a girl who was also three,
we spent our days in the summer sitting and digging in a sandy beach playing in the water, building sand castles, an watching little tad poles swim by.

By the time we reached seven, we were catching and releasing tad poles,
she was teaching me to swim and we were daring each other to go down the "big slide".

Ten was sleepovers and seances.

Fourteen brought insecurities of our looks and our bodies,
in which I will never forget the fashion tips,
borrowed tops and lightened hair, drive-in movies and midnight walks.

At eighteen, we were sharing one another's dreams about boys, jobs and our futures.

And at twenty-one I was introducing her to the man I wanted to marry.

We supported each other through births and deaths,
marriage and moves, happiness and grief,
over phone lines, postal service
and now e-mails and text messages.
Time has a way of passing with out your knowledge.

I can still see us swimming in the lake,
floating on our backs watching the clouds roll over head.
I remember thinking I am special just by having you in my life.

Some people make impressions on you, and some make them on your heart.
Now we fly to see each other, or drive across county,
always managing some time through out the year for one another.

We have made the road of our lives rich with memories and for this I am eternally grateful.

Knowing good friendships don't just happen they are "made to happen,"
you need to call,
build a sand castle together,
stop over,
and send love to each other.
Sharing your happiness,
sadness, and your time,
is the only way to cultivate a lasting friendship.

May the grace of friendship be with you now and always,

Peace and love,
Janice

Prom anyone?

It's spring,

every spring is the time,
in high school student's lives,
across the United States,
is prom.

This is a time where,
if you are insecure,
and what kid isn't,
it will be intensified.

Your reputation is on the line.

It's do or die.

School's culmination has come to this point,
and it's suppose to count.

I never went to my senior prom.
I wasn't interested.
I didn't want to "buy" into it.
I wanted to be a radical.
Just writing that statement makes me laugh.

Truth was

I wasn't asked.

Instead my girlfriend an I choose to sip slow gin and sprite in my car,
watching, as class mates entered the hotel where it was held.

The scene was surreal, like a movie,
boys in tuxedos girls in gowns, flowers, crowns, and fancy cars.

I think that when faced with the emotion of being a teen,
high hormones,
the ability to make drama out of nothing,
we can look back and laugh.

Like the day all teens are to wed.

I'm not sorry I didn't go,

I'm sure we weren't alone in our lack of participation.

If you are one of the graduates which decides not to participate
in this event called prom,
it's okay.
We all became adults anyway,
With or without the "right of passage" that is called the prom.

I didn't fit in.

Not part of a group,
Being a radical...
I worked after school,
I enjoyed my car, my small freedoms, and my music and my art.

Having had a wedding,

in which I wore a gown, with flowers an had a fancy car, and a man in a tuxedo.

Life marched on.


We all can live life happier,
leaving the angst of high school behind,
just writing this,
gives me those familiar pangs of the intensity,
of how it was,
and how much we worried about what others thought of us.

The one thing I need to say is
that while writing this I left out,
how costly this can be, especially now,
not just in the emotional sense,
but financially.

This event can stigmatize you,
just because your family is not in a high income bracket.

Be a radical,
go if you want,
go in a group,
on the bus,
in your best jeans,
steal flowers from the local cemetery,

the dead do not mind.

Don't "buy" into the limo ride,
designer dress,
top end tux.
High priced nosegays.

Have fun!
Be the non-conformist.

You'll get all the drama you will ever need or want.


Enjoying the little things now, I write.

I'm still a radical...

I attend political rallies,
I read,
I protest,
I get involved.


My mission now is to live life gracefully,

make art,

and to spread as much love, peace and fun as I can.

Dance on,

Janice

Building a Tee Pee

Having gone to my first Gathering of Nations Pow-wow, I was blown away.

Native Americans come from all over the world to sing, dance, and pretty much come together to show and share and teach their traditional values with their youth.

They are rich in ceremony, and family.

Inside this stadium folks brought hundreds of years of tradition into my life.

The drumming massaged my heart,

the dancing seduced my eyes,

and the regalia of their traditional dress calmed my creative soul.

I was moved to tears watching the hundreds of clans, tribes, and nations,

flow to the center of the floor for their closing ceremony.

They moved and danced in unison as huge eagle soaring through my heart.

The colors of the feathers spilled over like a rainbow.

I am lucky to be able to see such a display of beauty and love.

Most of all I loved watching, as the mother's carried their babies up and down the steps,
to keep them happy,
and father's helping the older children dress,
sister's braiding each other's hair,
brother's putting makeup on one another.
To me this is where the community is seen coming together.

These people are not wealthy by any means, their average income is by American standards,
poverty level.

I have never been apart of any festival where such love compassion and pride was so obvious.

The wealth I witnessed can not be found or measured by in any high tech company,
nor in any banking institution.

The Native American's traditions from past centuries have survived and flourished,
despite the efforts of the white man to annihilate.

This always gives me pause.

I know in my heart, I would never have, if I lived that long ago,
part taken in the violence and destruction of such beautiful people.

When I hear the history of the blood that was spilled, it sickens me.

I apologize for all those who came before me in hate and destruction.

I pray and meditate to promote healing for all those who suffered under the hands of tyranny.

In honor of these people I will build a tee pee, one of love and beauty,
tradition and compassion,
not to be tangible,
but to be shared by all who dwell in love and forgiveness.

Come into my tee pee, be at peace and feel the love of our community,
Janice